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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29970930">I know what I did, but I’m not sorry</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystalcatgamer/pseuds/Crystalcatgamer'>Crystalcatgamer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fanfics about block people so they're real people heck yeah [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author is Not a Clay | Dream Apologist (Video Blogging RPF), BUT I LOVE THIS HC SO MUCH WHAT THE HECK, Clay | Dream &amp; Technoblade Friendship (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Gen, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), I love his character and like writing about it but I don’t think redemption is possible now, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Manipulative Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Piglin Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Prisoner Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), STREAM ROADTRIP BY DREAM YALL, Self-Acceptance, Self-Indulgent, Songfic, Unsympathetic Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 03:09:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,216</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29970930</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystalcatgamer/pseuds/Crystalcatgamer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In one world, Dream escapes with the help of the Blood God and the Angel of Death, along with a puppet from the End. </p><p>In another world, Dream snaps and kills a child, then brings them back to repeat what he did.</p><p>In this world, Dream sits down and listens to the accusations of his former friends and thinks about all he has done.</p><p>And if he's being honest, he doesn't regret them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream &amp; Darryl Noveschosch, Clay | Dream &amp; Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream &amp; Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream &amp; Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream &amp; TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), No Romantic Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fanfics about block people so they're real people heck yeah [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2113947</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>149</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I know what I did, but I’m not sorry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>There isn't enough Dream fics that don't make him crazy or regret deep down what he did, so I wrote one. Like pls I need some fics where Dream isn't a fricking psycho or regrets what he did.<br/>Also I listened to Roadtrip too many times avshwbkaqmskqig</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>Secure the bag, know what I'm sayin' Banrisk on the beat </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ayo, Perish, this sh- hot, boy</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>People change like the tides in the ocean</em>
</p><p><strong>People are fickle,</strong> Dream thinks as he sat in his cell. They twisted words into what they wanted, brushed their own mistakes off and pointed fingers. Tommy had been doing shit way before Dream stepped in.</p><p>It doesn't mean that Tommy deserved what Dream had done, but he wasn't a helpless victim. He did a fair duel, but Tommy couldn't let go. He had to cause trouble, had to hold on with the stubbornness of a thousand suns.</p><p>
  <em> At least I think or am I dead wrong?</em>
</p><p>Dream turns back to the boy before him. Tommy stood tall, even as his fingers trembled and his eyes darted around nervously. He had not forgotten. But he was trying to move on. People change, even with what he had done. The world would move on without him.</p><p>
  <em>Foot on the brake, at the light I don't notice </em>
</p><p>He listens to Tommy rant, hurl accusation after accusation at him and mock him in-between. Eventually the false bravado leaves and Dream is left with a broken boy.</p><p>"Why?" Tommy croaks out finally, rubbing his eyes furiously. "Why did you do all that shit?" And Dream does feel some pity for the boy, but he doesn't try and take back his words, his actions. It wouldn't really matter anyway. They didn't understand him, and they never would. He had thought out everything he did, planned it all out like the games of chess he used to play with his friends.</p><p>
  <em>I sit and wait until the next song </em>
</p><p>So Dream looks away, waits for Tommy to finally get tired of his silence and leave, spitting a few more insults as he went. And Dream is left alone again, left with the sizzling of the lava paired with the occasional tick from his clock.</p><p>
  <em>20 hours in an old van</em>
</p><p>Dream counts the seconds, and they turn into minutes and then into hours. He's up to 4 hours when the lava stops falling again, signaling a visitor that isn't Sam from the soft padding that doesn't belong to armored boots and wonders who it could be. </p><p>
  <em> Up the east coast, through the cold wind</em>
</p><p>He's met with a familiar headband and eyes the color of fire. Dream turns away to face the wall and can almost feel Sapnap's confusion at the action. Soon enough the man begins his attack. And it hurts more than Tommy's ever would, spitted out with burning embers of hate and glowing ashes of grief.</p><p>
  <em>Drove 20 hours by the ocean</em>
</p><p>Dream knows that Sapnap could really hurt him if he thought about it, break down Dream into tiny pieces. Aim at all the weak spots he learned about Dream across the years, the ones that even then were carefully calculated.</p><p>When put together, however, they could stab a hole in his chest. But Sapnap doesn't think about his words, too caught up in his anger and simply unleashing wave after wave. And just like Tommy, it fades into hurt.</p><p>
  <em> Up the east coast, what a road trip</em>
</p><p>"We were best friends, Dream." Sapnap whispers, grief lacing his tone. "Why did you throw it all away?" Dream still doesn't move, still doesn't react. Finally Sapnap leaves and he relaxes, lying on the hard floor.</p><p><strong> You weren't important enough, </strong>he thinks. But he doesn't say it to Sapnap because he deserved better.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Now that interstate is paved with memories</em>
</p><p>Dream writes in his books, his quill racing across the page. All written in Galactic to keep them  safe. And even if Sam burned them for fear they were escape plans, Dream still feels better. Writing soothes him, in a way most people didn't understand.</p><p>
  <em>Of a past life I lived when I was 18</em>
</p><p>His thoughts are in those books, his life with Sapnap and George and the one before and after it. He writes down the analyzations of his friends, their weaknesses and strengths. What makes them tick, what calms them down. All the things he found about them.</p><p><em>And evеry winter, I think back to what we used to bе</em> That's why he writes them in a different language, because the world doesn't need to know how far his hold reached. <strike>It was his world he made it with his core what did they expect him to do just let them waltz in?</strike></p><p>They don't need to know that the weeks and months and years of friendship had been nothing more than indulgence. That love and family and all the things in-between hadn't been enough. Because that's what it was, even if he had enjoyed his life with all of them.</p><p>
  <em> In that past life we lived at 18 </em>
</p><p>They were attachments and would be exploited by his enemies. He's not saying they were fake, it had hurt to cut them one by one. But that was all it had been, a few days of hesitation and pain that faded away in the face of power.</p><p>
  <em>Uh, I reminisce about a past life</em>
</p><p>Dream spends his time in prison thinking about the past. Of worlds explored, games that didn't have a real point, friendly duels and connections made. He wishes he could be back there, in that simpler time. He doesn't like his cell, small and hot from the lava but still so, so cold.</p><p>
  <em>Things change, I get it, 'cause nothing lasts right?</em>
</p><p>His friends were all gone and Dream misses them. But still he wouldn't take back what he did to be out of this cell. The world doesn't understand that, understand that he doesn't regret deep down or went crazy. Dream has been empty for a long time, and his attachments hadn't filled it up.</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, and I was thinking 'bout her last night</em>
</p><p>Not the love of a mother, the love of a brother, the love of a friend or a lover. That's why he cut them without too much regret and trouble. The world, however doesn't want to accept that they meant so little to him.</p>
<hr/><p><em>S</em> <em>crolling through our memories, debating 'bout our last times</em></p><p>Dream hums to himself as a new visitor approached. He blinks as the lava stops falling to reveal Technoblade. They had a partnership for a bit, a deal. A favor due, and maybe that's why he came. The Blood God did not like loose strings.</p><p>
  <em>Ay, for a minute, we was cool</em>
</p><p>"Hullo." Techno starts and Dream almost laughs at it. "Not here for the favor, if that's what you're thinking." Dream raises an eyebrow behind his porcelain mask, the one thing he was allowed to keep.</p><p>"I wanted to visit you, for old times sake." Techno continues and this time he does chuckle. "Sounds nice. How about you tell me a story?" Dream asks, half-joking and Techno actually replies with his arsenal of mythology.</p><p>
  <em> Then we flew just a lil' too close to the sun</em>
</p><p>"You're like Icarus, Dream." Technoblade begins and he leans forward, intrigued. "He was too proud, too happy with escaping and showed off his wings. He flew towards the gods' territory, too close to the sun. And then he fell to his death, with no one there to catch him. Because he had pushed too far." Techno finishes, staring at Dream. Dream considers the story, turns it over in his head and realizes Techno is right.</p><p>"Nice." He comments and the piglin snorts.</p><p>
  <em>Now we finished, now we through</em>
</p><p>"Of course that's what you would say. Homeless Teletubby." Techno grumbles and Dream huffs with mock offence. "I have a house, you're in it!" He retorts and this time Technoblade lets out a barking laugh.</p><p>Dream grins under his mask, pleased with the interaction. Techno was perhaps the only one on the server who could really hurt him, and Dream of course had tabs on him. The hybrid definitely had his own on him, after all. It would be stupid not to. But they have a truce, forged with a single duel that changed their lives, wars that scarred them and things they weren't taking back.</p><p>
  <em>Guess we knew one day we would have to grow up</em>
</p><p>Techno stands up, stretches like he always does and offers Dream a hesitant smile. "Might visit you again." He says coolly and this time Dream tips up his mask to reveal to grin at the piglin. Sam lets Techno back out and Dream hums happily, writing down the events in his book.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>20 hours in an old Ford</em>
</p><p>Dream gets another visitor in the same week, this one a repeat face. Bad's jet-black skin greets him, hoodie now red instead of white and it's <em>wonderful</em>. Dream scrambles to his feet and freezes, arms reaching out for something he knows he broke a while ago.</p><p>But Bad smiles at him, blinking tired eyes and opening his arms. Dream takes it, relishing in the human contact and familiarity. Bad had always been his favorite, in a different way than George.</p><p>
  <em> Across the Midwest, thinking, what for?</em>
</p><p>In the way the demon always knew there was something more to Dream, but still accepts and loves him. Respects his secrets and the ones he kept himself. One of the few that Dream decided not to pry into. Because Bad was special, and that's why he didn't hurt the demon as much as he did the others.</p><p>
  <em>Drove 20 hours, but it's hopeless</em>
</p><p>Bad had forgiven him, for all the things he did and the minds he broke and the lives he took. Because Badboyhalo understands, in that small, quiet way that Dream wasn't what everyone thought he was. In a way a demon, who was the very symbol of evil but instead Bad was one of the sweetest people you would ever meet, could.</p><p>
  <em>Across the Midwest, what a road trip</em>
</p><p>And he can feel it now, the egg no longer trying to invade his world, taking the minds of his people and turning Bad's red into white. Letting Skeppy go back to being blue. Dream feels better, no longer trying to fight off the Egg's advances.</p><p>He lets go reluctantly, studies Bad properly. Traces the red lines on his hoodie and smiles as a tail wraps around his wrist while the owner's lips turns up to reveal fangs.</p><p>
  <em>Now that interstate is paved with memories</em>
</p><p>Dream remembers chasing a black and red blur through the forest with Sapnap and finding a boy older than them. So kind and loving that even Sapnap falters. They run away together, fighting tooth and nail for Bad's freedom, his rights as a demon.</p><p>Finding the favor returned when Bad defends them against an entire horde of mobs at night with barely a scratch to show for it. Badboyhalo is the strongest of them all, and Dream can't help but think of how much more the demon could be if he didn't have attachments. If he wasn't so eager to fit in, to show kindness to others.</p><p>
  <em>Of a past life I lived when I was 18</em>
</p><p>"How have you been doing, Dream?" Bad asks and breaks him out of his thoughts. "Great." He answers. "I got quite a few visitors." Bad smiles at that, unwraps his tail and ruffles Dream's hair. The action reminds him of the age gap between them and that it was why Bad had been like a father to them all.</p><p>"Glad to hear that. I can't stay long though, I'm only here for a quick check because I am beat. Having a egg suck out your energy does that to you." Bad jokes half-heartedly but Dream can see the tiredness in the demon's posture.</p><p>
  <em>And every winter, I think back to what we used to be</em>
</p><p>"Get some rest, you can visit me next time." Dream chides, calling for Sam. Bad leaves and Dream is left alone with his thoughts again, wondering how different things would be if he hadn't done all the things he did. But still he doesn't regret anything.</p><p>It was necessary because the world needed a villain to grow, needed something to bring them all together. He wasn't being some self-sacrificing person though.</p><p>
  <em>In that past life we lived at 18</em>
</p><p>Dream had always been fascinated by manipulation, and it was much easier when people trusted you or knew your power. Sometimes it hurts to see the betrayal, but then it's gone and new toys take their place.</p><p>The excitement of it all keep his heart racing as he danced a dangerous line, wondering if the world would finally catch him, would finally figure out what he was doing. It thrills him, and after a while it was all it lived for when his friends left. </p><p>A game of chess, one that he had all the pieces in only to have them defect. All he has now are acquaintances and rivals and remnants. He's left without puppets and he's not quite sure what to do now, but still he isn't sorry.</p><p>Not in this cell that he can't escape, not when his friends visit one by one over the years.</p><p>Because Dream is empty, and the part of him that felt regret withered away a long time ago. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Did you know that this whole idea appeared because of that one part in Roadtrip that says 'Then we flew just a lil' too close to the sun' and instantly I thought of Icarus? Then I was like what if I made Icarus Dream and Technoblade points that out. Then I had to write a whole story about it and it was fun, to say the least. Thought about this for like nearly a whole day, brainstorming the first part then just kinda winging it. </p><p>Follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/Crystalcatgame2">Twitter! </a><br/>I'll give you updates and thoughts on future fics. maybe snippets :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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